It seems like just yesterday Lily was placed in my arms, and yet here we are one month later. She’s grown so much which has made me both happy and anxious. Happy because she’s right on par with her growth but anxious because I want her to stay my little baby forever. People keep saying, “I can’t wait until she is old enough to do/say XYZ!” to which I respond, “I can wait.” I want to soak up all these moments as long as I can.
Almost every day I’ve cried at least once because I am in awe of her and am so grateful I was able to bring her to term. It feels like I am riding the wave of relief. They say pregnancy is supposed to make you emotional, but I feel like my emotions have been kicked up a notch since becoming a parent.
I had a moment where I was cradling her and I said to her, “This is the part of the day where Mommy tells you how much she loves you and how grateful she is you’re here and starts crying.” Sure enough, I started to tear up as I said this, and she reaches up to touch my cheek. 😭 It was so surreal. How many times I’ve sat in that same chair wondering if I’d get to hold a baby, and now I am sitting in this chair daily feeding and loving on her.
All things considered, she’s a pretty easy sleeper. When she was born we had to wake her up to feed otherwise she’d sleep right through. She’ll sleep 3-4 hours so at best we’ll have to get up 1-2 times to feed her in the middle of the night. She is a noisy sleeper though! She coos and grunts, and sometimes she’ll wake up and cry for 1-2 seconds then go right back to sleep as if nothing happened. Sometimes it’s a cue that she’s peed. 😆
I came into this pregnancy full prepared that I might not be able to breastfeed. I had a reduction surgery back in 2008 in which my surgeon emphasized the risks, and having PCOS would also increase my risk for low milk supply.
While I have been able to breastfeed, it’s been in tandem with formula since my supply is low. She’s primarily on formula with boob milk acting more as an appetizer/dessert. Of course I would have love to exclusively breastfeed, but it’s just not in the cards for us and that’s totally okay. Fed is best. ✌🏼
A lot of people have asked how my animals are handling a micro human in the house. I’m happy to report they’re all handling it very well. The cats don’t really care. In fact, they seem to think certain baby items, like the DockATot and the Pack ‘n Play are for them. 😹
Tucker is very protective and attentive. Anytime Lily starts crying he looks to us to make sure we’re taking care of her. If one of us is out of the room he’ll run around trying to find the other person. It’s like he wants all hands on deck to take care of baby, and it’s really cute!
Mr. Big, however, is getting used to not being the baby anymore. He’s a little sulky these days because someone else is getting constant cuddles and food.
He still gets plenty of love and attention, and I definitely wouldn’t say the attention has reduced. At the end of the day he still gets to sleep in bed with us. He just gets jealous easily because he’s used to being the center of attention.
Tired. Even though Joshua helps out with the night shifts, I still wake up, so we’re both just as tired. It’s hard to nap during the day because lately she has been feeding nonstop, so I maybe get 2-3 hours in the day where I can catch up on things. A lot of days I won’t get to have breakfast if I don’t make a shake ahead of time, and my lunches happen around 2pm/3pm.
Joshua gets six weeks of paternity leave, but he’s breaking it up instead of taking it all at once. He took three weeks when she was born, so I’ve been on my own for the past week. It’s a little harder when he’s not around because it means sometimes I have to put her down crying while I go to the bathroom or make food for her.
Aside from that, I’m doing good. Really, I am. 😄 I healed pretty well, and I have my postpartum checkup with my doctor next week. I’m on a healing supplement protocol with my nutritionist, I’m taking my placenta capsules every day, and I’m seeing my chiropractor regularly. I’ve got a great wellness team, not to mention a wonderful husband who helps out however he can. I’m pretty blessed with my support group.
The past year I’ve worked on a playlist of songs that have represented my journey to Lily. It starts with songs that cover my two losses and the grief I experienced leading into songs of hope and love. Needless to say, I personally cannot listen to this playlist without bawling my eyes out.
Putting this together was therapeutic for me and listening to it helped get me through some of those anxious moments I experienced during my pregnancy. I hope it can do the same for anyone else. 🌈